What I'm actually referring to is the constant pressure I seem to keep allowing into my life. There are always 100 more ways to be better. And I'm not here to complain about self-help or 'how to get a flat stomach' articles. I mean ways you can genuinely be better. There are always 100 of them. Read your scriptures more often, actually study your scriptures, have more meaningful prayer, be more kind to people, stop making so many rude sarcastic comments, go to bed at a decent time, eat less sugar, get up before the last possible minute to still shower and have time to blow dry your hair (most of the way), be more open minded in dating, trust your gut more in dating, etc. Those items are all for real on my list.
And every day, I get overwhelmed by this list. Like, throw a tantrum + kick and scream level of overwhelmed. And then I don't even want to start to attempt anything on the list and then I feel like a bad person and then I add 'be a little easier on yourself' to the list and we're back at square one.
And this week, woof. It's been a doozy. Nothing really negative has happened, actually, but I've got a lot to do (birthday party to plan, meetings to attend, 3 chiropractor visits + making sure the insurance is paying for said visits, and they declared my car totaled, so, I've got that to figure out too. But hey, new car!) Last night I had a headache, so I gave myself permission to not try and tackle the list but just relax and watch Psych. It was all fun and games until I woke up in a panic attack this morning and wrote 7 lists of things to do/buy.
And then I came home from different events tonight and guilt tripped myself about not leaving early enough to edit the hour if video I need to edit by Friday. And I chastised myself for the frosty waffle cone I had after 9 PM. And now I'm staying up late to blog and I'm lessening my chances of making it to the gym tomorrow morning with every word I type.
I'll get to the point: what the (insert word of your personal choice here) is the deal?? YES - we should strive to be better but were we ever meant to destroy ourselves in the process?
For the record, I'm in a pretty good mood. Life has been really great lately and I actually do feel like I'm becoming better in a lot of ways. And the more I remember that the more bugged I get at how easy it is to listen to those stupid 'you're not good enough, you're not doing enough' voices. Because guess what - I don't care if you or I have 100+ ways to be better. We ALSO have 100+ ways that we're ALREADY good. And trying. And doing. And BEING better. So loosen up on yourself. It's okay to do one thing at a time, it's okay to not be perfect today.
Speaking of loosening up, I'm not proof reading this blog post. Because, it's 11:00 PM and I'm tired. And you know what? I'm not going to feel bad about it. Peace out, team.