Sunday, January 12, 2014

#elisebrain #taketwo

Do you ever have those nights when you drink chocolate milk through a straw and go to bed at 9:30 because being a grown up is hard? And really, it's not that hard, it's just that maybe it requires too much thinking. And feeling. And it's easier to just worry about who scribbled on the picture of belle that you were saving for last (because she's your favorite).

Yeah, sometimes I get really overwhelmed with the idea of being more grown up than I am right now. Sure I have a college degree and a big girl job and car payments, but I'm basically only responsible for myself right now and it's kind of not that hard. What happens when I get married and I'm supposed to be cooking dinner for my husband and children and all I really want is to watch Somewhere in Time and cry while I squeeze a fluffy pillow and eat ice cream from the carton with a fork?

Is it okay that I go crazy sometimes?  Like, we're talking sobbing on the floor in front of the fridge while eating peanut butter and jelly by the spoonful (from their respective jars) kind of crazy. Can I raise children in those conditions? Am I allowed to feed them peanut butter and jelly straight from the jars and turn on Full House for a few hours and pretend that laundry doesn't exist?

Don't even get me started on having a husband. And the whole girl emotion "it's not about the nail"-ness that even women will probably never really understand.

I'm asking because I really don't know how this all works. I kind of rock at being single. I take care of myself and on those I don't want to be a grown up days, I put sprinkles on my peanut butter toast and cry it all out. I've got this feeling that that doesn't just go away when you "grow up" and get married/start a family.

That's really all I've got. I'm not even sorry that I don't blog for a month and then I just come back to word vomit. So, yeah, I'mma go make another cup of chocolate milk and call it a night.
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