Thursday, December 27, 2012

pretty things




I fell in love with this song during my first year of college. I had just started dating this super dreamy boy and he really, genuinely liked me. It wasn't actually some huge life changing event, but it was a big deal to me because maybe for the first time I really felt special. And wanted. And pretty.

Through the years, I've learned that I am pretty and that being pretty doesn't actually depend on dating someone who thinks I am. There is a huge, giant, beautiful thing that happens when somebody wants you, there's no denying that. But there is an even more huge, more giant, more beautiful thing that happens when you know, when you finally learn, that you are special and pretty just being you.

Somehow, through grasping for this understanding, I learned what pretty is. How to be pretty, how to feel pretty, how to see pretty. And I'm maybe obsessed with it now. I just want to create pretty things all the time. I want to collect everything pretty, capture a picture of every perfect sunset, paint all the beauty of the world.

It's that moment when you see a color in the sky that just speaks to your soul and you can't help but wish that crayola made that in a marker. The moment when you taste butternut squash ravioli from Wildflower Market and you just wish that perfection could stay on your taste buds for eternity. Or as you're holding a new baby and the way they stare up at you and just take everything about your face in and memorize it and suddenly you feel more whole than you knew you could possibly feel.

It's capturing that perfect moment of a smile - you know, right after the forced "cheese" smile and right before the nervous laugh. Or when that one song comes on the radio and every note and every word hits home so hard you could burst. Or when you find a friend who truly just gets you. That friend who is so in sync that you're always grumpy on the same day, but they still see past their frustrations to say just what you need to hear to feel better. And sometimes it's being that friend who, in sharing hope with someone else, remembers that they, too, have hope.

It's the tender mercy of someone giving you a genuine compliment on the day you didn't shower and you feel your worst. It's two year olds who want to know everything and 16 year olds who think that they do. It's knowing that, even though Christmas is over, the Christmas season lives on because, truthfully, it is the spirit of Christ. It's knowing that despite any craziness, any sibling rivalry, any imperfections, your family is uniquely yours.  And you belong with them. It's the hope that somewhere out there, there really is someone who so genuinely wants to be a part of your life. And it's knowing that God really is there. And He loves you. No matter what.

Pretty things are what we like to be,
I would like to surrender to beauty.

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