Sunday, November 4, 2012

sunday soap box: dating

I've been thinking a lot about dating lately. (Shocker, I know.) I've realized that we (boys and girls) have a major problem: instead of changing our behaviors, we rationalize, throw pity parties, and blame somebody else.

For example, I have had people tell me and have even told people "You are so awesome, I don't know why guys/girls don't see that." It's not that I don't like hearing that I'm awesome, the problem here is that there is nothing productive about just blaming the guys who "don't see it."

Here is a simple truth: We all have infinite worth. This worth is not defined by the number of dates we go on, the number of boys/girls who want to date us, the number of compliments we get each day, or even what our mothers think of us. You have, and always will have worth.

I think that if we remembered that, we might change our perspectives on dating.

new print for the shop that I'll open someday.
IG photo cred: The Shine Project.

You are worth it.
You are worth dating. Say it for me: "I am worth dating." Knowing that will change your attitude and will change how people see you. Don't believe it yet? Fake it 'til you make it. Because, guess what. You ARE worth dating.

They are worth it.
Every person you meet is worth dating. Even more, they are worth your time, your attention, your kindness. Do you feel like you have a limited supply of kindness? Here's a secret: you don't. Just because you may not want to date someone doesn't mean they aren't worth your kindness. You don't have to date everyone you meet. You don't have to even go on one date with them. But you should remember their worth and respect them enough to be kind.

Now, once we know we are worth dating and we know the people we are interacting with are worth dating, let's act like it. Be done with the "Boys are so dumb, why don't they do this and this and this?" get over the "Girls are so frustrating." and stop all forms of "I feel like there is nobody out there who wants to date me."

The boy-bashing, the girl-hating... none of it is productive! And who on earth would want to date someone who spends their free time complaining about the entire gender they wish they were dating? Instead of assuming that boys are just dumb for not noticing you, do something to get noticed. Instead of feeling frustrated and rejected by girls, keep trying, because I promise there are girls out there just waiting for an opportunity to not reject you.

We give up too fast. We decide we just must not be worth their time. We rationalize that "they weren't worth our time anyway." Stop it.

Stop moping, start doing. Act like you are worth dating, because you are. And act like those you meet are worth dating, because they are. Don't give up. Stop seeing dating as a list of failures and successes, start seeing it as progress. And keep progressing.

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