Thursday, April 12, 2012

the short story of Captain Awesome: part four

in case you're just tuning in here are parts one, two, and three.

Thursday morning, I got a text. "Hey supergirl! So, I have a date with this awesome girl tonight! We're getting delicious ice cream, but the best part is seeing her again, she's something special. :)"

I'd talked about Captain Awesome with my roommates and best friends so much that I was starting to realize that I was over-analyzing things. I was freaking myself out and loosing sleep from all the stress. Relationships are supposed to be enjoyable, right? And the beginning of a relationship is supposed to be exciting and fun (with that 'little' side of "does he really like me?" and "oh my gosh my phone just vibrated, do you think that's him??"). I'd only even known the kid for a week and I was already panicking about what on earth I'd wear if he asked me to meet his parents.

It was time to calm down. So, Thursday night I got ready for my date and I knelt down and I simply asked Heavenly Father to help me enjoy my time on the date, to help me be a good date and help him enjoy the date, and to let me feel comfortable around him if I should pursue this relationship more. I knew I had been over-analyzing and freaking myself out, but there was still a little voice telling me, "All that glitters isn't gold, Elise." 

He picked me up looking as handsome as ever. We went to Charlie's, the local favorite ice cream place. The ice cream was good, we all talked and joked and laughed for quite a while. CA was very flirty and cute and I wanted to be flirty right back ohhh so badly. But, something just didn't feel right. He and his friend realized that me and my friend had never had hot chocolate from the library on campus, so they insisted we must try it that very evening. (Yep. Ice cream and hot chocolate in the same date. Neat, right?) It was a little chilly as we walked back from the library, so he tried to put his arm around me and offer me his jacket. 

I wanted to like him. Not just because he was rich, British, handsome, and charming.. but, because he really was a genuinely great guy and he seemed to really like me. As we were driving home from the date, I thought about our first date just a week before. I remembered sitting at dinner with him, listening to the speaker and holding his hand. (Oh, did I forget to mention that we held hands a little on that date? Oops. ;) I remember thinking to myself "Why me? Why am I so lucky that I got set up on this date with this incredibly amazing guy?" and a very quiet little voice told me "Because you are incredibly amazing, Elise. You need to realize that guys this awesome can genuinely like you.

In the end, I never did feel comfortable. There was just something that wasn't right about it. Who knows what it was, but it was something. (my roommate thinks that the next girl he dates will be his future wife and if I'd dated him, I would have prevented them from meeting). That same little voice that told me I was worth his attention also let me know that all that glitters isn't always gold. That doesn't mean he isn't gold. He really is a sweet, caring, incredible guy. But, he wasn't my gold. 

So, that's the short story of Captain Awesome and how I broke his heart. He taught me a little something about my value. For one whole week, I was someone's supergirl. I lived a chickflick and I genuinely felt special and wanted. But I also learned something else important, love isn't just about what looks fun and exciting in chick flicks. I'll be totally honest, it was amazing to daydream about dating a rich, British, rugby-playing, returned missionary and pilot. I thought maybe I'd be the next Pioneer Woman. You know, The Charmed Life of a Simple Girl from Utah. (I never did figure out the ideal blog name...) But love is about what's right. I'm not saying there is one perfect person out there that you're meant to be with, but I am saying that when you find someone special, when it's right, there will be a quiet little voice there to make you feel comfortable and let you know "don't let this one go..."
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