I don't know if it was just that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning or what, but I had a full blown tears and everything break down before 9:00 this morning. You know it's bad when it's before 9:00 am.
I actually think it's been building up for a while. Things just keep going wrong and my self-esteem has taken a huge hit. Mostly, I just feel like I can't do anything right.
I should mention that I am loving my job and that's pretty much the only thing that I do feel is going right at the moment. Actually, my life really is very good. There is just this little voice that keeps convincing me that everyone is disappointed in me, that I'm not good enough, I'm doing everything wrong, and nobody wants to be around me.
While I know that those things aren't true, it's seriously hard to not doubt when you're just being attacked. I know 23 is a pretty young age and it's completely fine that I'm still single, but it's hard to not compare myself to all my friends who are having children and have been married for years. And I really do love my job, and I learn there, but there is definitely less of a sense of progression when you don't have homework to turn in and you don't get grades. (Weird, right? All the same, I'm still loving the no-homework life, let's be honest.) Then there's the ever-present media telling me I'm not skinny enough, my teeth aren't white enough, oh, and summer is coming and I'm definitely not tan enough to wear shorts.
I'm a people-pleaser, with oldest child syndrome, and a potentially unhealthy need to appear perfect to everyone around me. When I feel like I mess up, or someone is disappointed in me, it eats at me.
How do you keep your self esteem up when you're being attacked with feelings of worthlessness? Does anyone else feel this way?