Friday, December 30, 2011

midnight thoughts

I'm lovin' this video.

Just count your blessings that this isn't a post of every version of the song ever.
But really, listen to Katharine McPhee in my last post, look up Clay Aiken's version, and deeeeeefinitely treat yourself to the Karen Carpenter version. I mean, come on, it's Karen Carpenter.

I had a rough day today. I started out frustrated, then google deleted my blog and deactivated all my google accounts. So, I stared blankly at the computer screen for an hour, freaked out on facebook, and cried. Luckily, google fixed that one up in a about an hour. (Note to self: EXPORT, EXPORT, EXPORT.) 

After that crisis was averted, I showered. Yeah, at 2:00 in the afternoon. And then, I didn't put on any makeup, I wore a t-shirt and jeans with a hole in the bum (tmi?), and I pretended to job hunt. And then I broke down. 

I sobbed. My mom sat with me on my bed and just listened as I listed every single thing that is wrong in my life right now. I'll spare you the gory details, but just know that it was a long list. In retrospect, my life really isn't that bad. Really, my life is actually pretty great. But I feel so out of place and so lost. 

Graduation is hitting me. Not in the oh my, I'm so excited kind of way. But in the oh crap what do I do now? kind of way. Nobody is telling me what to do anymore, but at the same time, everyone thinks it's their place to tell me what I should be doing. 

I'm lacking motivation. I need a job, I need a routine, I need something new and consistent in my life. Everything I relied on before is gone. Except, of course, the gospel. And, boy, am I grateful for that.

Last thought: Despite my melt down and my not knowing what on earth I'm doing with my life, I am ever so excited for New Years Eve partying and the new year. 

So, really, what are you doing New Years Eve?
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