Friday, April 15, 2011

thoughts

Last night I started typing up a post that probably nobody will ever read. I didn't even get very far, so it doesn't matter all that much. But the important part is that I typed it and it wasn't starting out as a very happy post.

I was feeling broken down, frustrated, etc.


I feel a lot of pressure to be perfect. Lots of people have high expectations of me. I think a lot of my stress with that comes from being the oldest child. I have to be the best, be the example, set the standard.

So, when I'm not enough, when I want more... I feel like a failure.
I let myself feel hopeless.


I want you all to know that I am not perfect. I do not have all the answers. I am not the best.

But I am good. And I am becoming better. Progressing.


Also, I am moving on, letting go, and forgiving. Boys are great. They don't cause me stress, I choose to be stressed over them. I'm gonna let them do their thing and I'm going to do my thing. Some day, I'll meet a boy and it'll become our thing.


I feel like these are a lot of fragmented thoughts. So, I'm sorry if none of it actually makes sense. Just know that today, I am really happy. I have hope.
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